first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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