a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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