You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
