I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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