What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
