True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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