i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
