We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
