She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
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The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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