I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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