I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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