Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
