We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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