Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
