eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
