I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
