I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
