I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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