In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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