I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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