Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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