first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
