My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize