How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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