Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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