i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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