Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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