you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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