I was born with a shot glass in my hand
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
