We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
