Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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