my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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