my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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