im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
