i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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