I skipped work to stalk him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
