Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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