he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
