Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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