I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
