I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
