She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
