I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
