9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
