do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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