its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
