I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
