I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
