I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
