What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You pole danced in your parka.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
