You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
