DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
