my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
