I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
