i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
