I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
