When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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