Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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