i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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