I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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