She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
