hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
