Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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