Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
