i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
