he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
