10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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