I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
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Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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