he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
