at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
