So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
