do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
