So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
