You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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