She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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